MY LITTLE PONY: SPIKE'S ODYSSEY
by xXx575ZiMgArFiElD4eVeRxXx
Summary: OKAY THIS IS MY EPIC WORK INSPIRED BY THE ILLIAD, HOMER'S ODDYSEY, AND CARTOON PONIES. IT'S ABOUT SPIKE THE PURPLE DRAGON AND IT'S ONGOING SO I'LL GET AROUND TO WORKING MORE ON IT AS SOON AS I WATCH THE SHOW
1. Chapter 1

TWILGIHT WENT OUT SIDE IT WAS REALLY COLD AND HOT AND SHE WAS VERY SWEATY "I COULD USE A LIGHT BREEZE RIGHT NOW" SHE SAID THEN SHE FELT SOME COOL AIR COME FROM BEHIND HER  
>"AHH THAT'S NICE SHE" SAID "BUT WHERE IS IT COMING FROM? AND WHERE IS SPIKE"<br>i'M RIGHT HERE TWILIGHT "SPIKE SAID WITH A SMILE. HE WAS USING HIS NEW WINGS TO COOL OFF TWILIGHT SPARKLE, HIS BEST FRIEND, LIKE A TRADITIONAL FAN  
>"AHHH THANKS SPIKE." TWILIGHT SIGHED AS THE WARM SUMMER AIR MADE HER SLEEPY "SAY YOU NEVER TOLD ME HOW YOU GOT YOUR WINGS"<br>"LET ME TELL YOU HOW I GOT MY WINGS, TOILET" SAID SPIKE TO TWILIGHT SPARKLE, HIS BEST FRIEND.  
>SUDDENLY THERE WAS A FLASH BACK AND NOW WE ARE AT AN EARLIER PART IN THE STORY OF SPIKE GETTING HIS WINGS. SPIKE WAS AT THE SECOND GRAND GALLOPING GALA AND WAS SUPER EXCITED<br>"I FINALLY GOT A DATE TO THE GALA WITH RARITY" HE SAID TO TWILIGHT SPARKLE, A PURPLE PONY WHO WAS SPIKES BEST FRIEND  
>"SPIKE AS YOUR BEST FRIEND i AM VERY HAPPY FOR YOU" TWILIGHT TOLD SPIKE. BUT SPIKE DIDN'T KNOW SOMETHING...<br>TWILIGHT THOUGHT TO HERSELF "I WISH SPIKE WOULD THINK OF *me* THAT WAY i WOULD SHOW HIM A LOT MORE LOVE THAN RARITY COULD i AM ALREADY HIS BEST FRIEND."  
>SPIKE RAN OFF TO GET A SUIT WHILE TWILIGHT WENT TO PLOT A PLAN TO TRICK SPIKE FROM DATING RARITY MAYBE EVEN GETTING HIM TO HATE HER<br>"BUT EVEN WITH MY MAGICAL TRICKS i'M NOT VERY CREATIVE. I'M DULLER THAN THAT COUNTRY BUMPKING APPLE JACK WHEN IT COMES TO GOOD IDEAS" THEN SHE HAD A THOUGHT "I KNOW i'LL GO SEE PINKIE PIE"  
>PINKIE PIE WAS OUTSIDE A BAKERY LOOKING AT SOME NICE CAKE SHE WANTED TO EAT THEM SHE WAS STARTING TO SING A SONG ABOUT CAKES WHEN SHE SPOTTED HER FRIEND TWILIGHT SPARKLE<br>"TWILGITH WHERE IS YOUR FRIEND SPIKE" "HE IS GOING TO THE GRAND GALOPPIN GOHOLLA WITH RARITY i NEED TO STOP THEM" "OKAY i HAVE AN IDEA"  
>PINKINE PIE WHISPERED INTO TWILIGHTS EAR WHICH CONFUSED HER "WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING" "SO NO ONE HEARS DUH! SILLY FILLY CAKES" PINKE TOLD HER<br>SUDDENLY IT WAS A LATER PART OF THE STORY WHEN SPIKE WAS AT THE BALL GOING TO GO THERE AND GETTING READY TO GO WITH RARITY WHO HE WAS GOING WITH TO THE GRAND GALLOPING GOLLAH AS A DATE WITH EACH OTHER  
>"wHERE'S RARITY i'M SO NERVOUS" SAID SPIKE<br>"OH PINKIE PIE HELLO THERE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE" SPIKE SAID AS PINKIE PIE CME UP TO HIM SHE WAS HOLDING A CAKE  
>"EAT THIS CAKE" SHE SAID GIGGLING (IT'S NOT A NORMAL CAKE)<br>"UH OKAY i GUESS i AM KINDA HUNGRY AND EATING A CAKE MEANS i WOULDN'T HAVE TO EAT INSIDE SO I CAN SPEND MORE TIME WITH RARITY WHO I'M GOING WITH TO THE GRAND GALLOP WITH AS A DATE" "I KNOW SAID" PINKIE PIE WHO DASHED AWAY  
>SPIKE ATE THE CAKE BUT IT MADE HIM SICK THEN RARITY CAME UP IN HER BEST DRESS EVER AND SPIKE HUGGED HER BUT THREW UP<br>"MY DRESS IS RUINED" RARITY RAN AWAY  
>SUDDENLY TWILIGHT CAME UP "GOSH SIKE THAT REALLY SUCKS OH WELL i GUESS i'LL GO WITH YOU MAYBE I'LL EVEN PUT OUT JUST THIS ONCE" BUT TWILIGHT DIDN'T NOTICE THAT SPIKE WASN'T SAD HE WAS ANGRY<br>SUDDENLY SPIKE GREW BIG WINGS FROM HIS BACK AND WAS LOOKING FOR PINKIE PIE TO BEAT UP  
>"SPIKE DON'T DO IT IT WAS ME ALL ALONG i WANT YOUR HOT DRAGON BODY" TWILIGHT SAID CRYING<br>"I DIDN'T MEAN TO HAVE YOU THROW UP i JUST WANTED YOU TO EAT SO MUCH YOU DIDN'T WANT TO DANCE AND THEN I WOULD TAKE YOU HOME AND IW AS REALLY GOING TO PUT OUT"  
>"WAIT IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO THROW UP..."<br>"SPIKE" PINKIE PIE BOUNCED IN  
>"I LOVE YOU TOO AND WANT YOU ALL TO MYSELF"<br>"YOU BITCH" TWILIGHT SLAPPED PINKIE PIE ON THE MOUTH SHE WAS KNOCKED OUT  
>"YOU KNOW HOW TO STAND UP FOR ME" SPIKE SAID HE WAS WOOED THEN THEY WENT HOME AND BECAME BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND<br>SUDDENLY IT WAS AN EVEN LATER POINT IN THIS STORY. "WOW SPIKE WHAT A GREAT STORY" THEN TWILIGHT FELL ASLEEP. TWILIGHT IS SPIKE'S BEST FRIED AND GIRLFRIEND  
>the end<p>

"I CAN'T REACH THOSE APPLES THEY'RE TOO HIGH UP I NEED SOMEONE WITH WINGS TO REACH THESE APPLES THAT AREN'T RAINDOW BASH OR FLUTTERSHY" SIAD APPLE JACK WHO WILL HELP HER? FIND OUT NEXT TIME?(!)


	2. Chapter 2

GREETINGS AND WELCOME THIS IS YOUR FAVORITE WRITER xXx575ZiMgArFiElD4eVeRxXx HERE, READY TO GIVE YOU THE LOWDOWN ON THIS HOE DOWN BEFORE WE CONTINUE THE EPIC JOURNEY OF SPIKE.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PLETHORA OF HELPFUL REVIEWS AND SUGGESTIONS; WITHOUT YOUR SUPPORT I WOULD PROBABLY GO BACK TO PLAYING MINECRAFT. BUT I BELIEVE SOME STAEMENTS NEED TO BE ADDRESSED!

"YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T TYPE IN ALL CAPS. IT'S VERY ANNOYING, PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT, AND IT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE AN AMETURE NOVICE WRITER!

YOU SHOULD ALSO TRY TO SPACE YOUR WORK"

TYPING IN ALL-CAPS IS THE SIGN OF A WRITER WITH GREAT CONFIDENCE! AND CONSIDERING I'VE WRITTEN QUITE THE SELECTION OF SUCCESSFUL FICTION, I THINK I'M IN DUE OF SOME OF IT. SO IF SOME OF YOU ARE ANNOYED BY YOUR OWN LACK OF EXPERIENCE, I SUGGEST YOU CONTINUE WRITING MORE, AS ONE DAY YOU'LL BE AS GOOD AS ME AND CAN CAPSLOCK YOUR OWN WORKS! IF SOME OF YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE STILL, FEEL FREE TO LINK ME TO YOUR STORIES AND I WILL GIVE A GOOD REVIEW!

ALSO I'M AFRAID I WILL NOT BE INCLUDING SPACE IN MY STORY AS HORSES CANNOT BREATHE IN SPACE.

"Well, whats there to say about this? This is a trollfic, the end."

I BELIEVE SOME OF YOU ARE MISTAKEN, AS NO TROLLS HAVE APPEARED IN THIS STORY YET. THEY ARE, IN FACT, NOT DUE TO APPEAR UNTIL CHAPTER 264, WHEN RAINBOW DASH USES THE EYE OF ANUBIS TO BURN HER NAME INTO THE TROLL KINGDOM'S FARMS, THUS ELICITING WAR. OH SHIT WAIT THAT'S A SPOILER FORGET I WROTE THAT.

ANYWAY ENOUGH AUTHOR COMMENTS. IN THE WORDS OF HARRY POTTER TO HIS BEST FRIEND RON PAUL, "Let's rodeo."

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><p>ONE DAY AFTER THE DAY BEFORE SPIKE AND HIS BEST FRIEND TWILIGHT SPARKLE, WHO WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND, WERE WALKING THROUGH EQUESTRIA. OR PONYVILLE.<p>

"SPIKE YOU EYES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL" TWILIGHT, SPIKE'S BEST FRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND, COMPLIMENTED HIM.

"THANK YOU TWILLIT. YOU'RE EYES ARE LIKE GEMSTONES GLITTERING OR SOMETHING" SPIKE SAID IN RESPONSE TO WHAT TWILIGHT SAID.

"DON'T YOU EAT GEMS" TWILIGHT ASKED IN RESPONSE TO SPIKE'S RESPONSE TO TWILIGHT'S COMPLIMENT.

"MMMMM" SPIKE SAID IN RESPONSE TO TWILIT'S RESPONSE TO SPIKE'S RESPONSE TO TWILIGHT (WHO IS SPIKE'S BEST FRIEND AND GIRL FRIEND) AND HER- "OH LOOK TWILIGHT IT IS THE ORANGE HORSE FRIEND"

SPIKE POINTED TO THAT RASCALLY APPLE JACK WHO WAS DOIN HER APPLE BUSINESS AGAIN!

"APPLES TO APPLES GOSH DARN IT THESE APPLES AIN'T COMMIN DOWN" APPLE JACK COMPLAINED AS SHE RAMMED HER HEAD ON SOME WOOD.

BEING A BORING BOOK NERD TWILIGHT HAD A SUGGESTION RIGHT AWAY. "MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE HITTING ACTUAL TREES INSTEAD OF STUMPS!" APPLE JACK STOPPED SMASHING HER THICK PONY SKULL ON THE TREE STUMP. TWILIGHT WAS RIGHT! NOT THAT APPLE JACK UNDERSTOOD HER

"BUHHHHH, WUH... HUH?" THE ORANGE HORSE MOANED IN CONFUSION. "TARNATIONS WHY I DON'T GET THIS PHILOSOPHY HOO HAH YOU KEEP BABBLING ABOUT CITY GIRL"

SPIKE AND HIS GIRLFRIED TWILIGHT LAUGHED AT THE SILLY HORSE'S LACK OF EDUCATION. "SILLY TEXAN IT'S CHEMISTRY, NOT PHILOSOPHY!" TWILIGHT CLEARED UP FOR HER, AND POINTED WITH HER HOOVE-FINGERS TO APPLE JACK'S APPLE FARM OF APPLES. "LOOK, YOU CAN KNOCK APPLES DOWN FROM THOSE TREES!"

"WHAT IN TARNATIONS!" APPLE JACK LOOKED OVER AND BY GOLLY THE PURPLE ONE WAS RIGHT THERE WERE TREES AND THEY WERE FULL OF APPLES BUT "TWILIGHT, WHO IS SPIKE'S GIRLFRIEND, THOSE APPLES ARE TOO HIGH UP AND I CANNOT REACH THEM UGGGGGH" APPLE JACK TRIED JUMPING UP AND HIT THE TREE AGAIN NOT EVEN COMING CLOSE WHAT AN IDIOT

sPIKE AND TWILIGHT GIRLFRIEND JUST KEPT LAUGHING AND SPIKE WAS ALL LIKE "HAHA THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A SILLY SOUTHERN HORSE HERE LET ME FLY UP WITH MY NEW WINGS AND GET THEM APPLES FOR YOU" THE CONCEPT OF FLIGHT WAS SIMPLY TOO MUCH FOR APPLE JACK TO HANDLE SO HER BRAIN SHUT OFF AS SPIKE FLEW AROUND GETTING DOWN ALL THE APPLES FROM ALL THE TREES IN LIKE A FEW MINUTES AND IT WAS REALLY EASY BECAUSE DRAGONS ARE THE BEST ANIMALS EVER AND ARE DEFINITELY REAL AND THEY WILL COME TO ME IF I BELIEVE IN THEM HARD ENOUGH FUCK YOU MOM

"OH GOD SPIKE YOU ARE SO SEXY GETTING ALL OF THOSE APPLES" TWILIGHT WAS WOOED BUT IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE SHE IS SPIKE'S GIRLFRIEND SO THIS IS NATURAL. "I BET NOT EVEN MY MAGIC HORN COULD GET DOWN THOSE APPLES."

"MEOWTH DAT'S RIGHT" SPIKE RESPONDED AS HE LANDED NEXT TO TWILIGHT. MEANWHILE APPLE JACK FINALLY RETURNED FROM HER CATATONIC STUPID STATE. "WELL GOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY SUGARCUUUUUBES YOU OT ALL THEM APPLES DOWN WHY I COULD USE A STRONG MAN DRAGON LIKE YOU ROUND THESE HERE PARTS HERE..." APPLE JACK THEN TRIED TO COP A FEEL AS BEING A SOUTHERNER SHE WAS RATHER LOOSE BUT THANKFULLY TWILIGHT PUNCHED HER RIGHT IN THE FACE.

"HOOVES OFF BEEYOTCH DAT'S MY MAN" TWILIGHT SAID ALL SASSY MOLASSY. SHE AND SPIKE HAD A NICE SLOPPY MAKE OUT AND LEFT WHILE APPLEJERK WATCHED. "OH SHOOTS AND HORSE RADISHES THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IF BUSH WAS STILL PRESIDENT..." SHE PROCEEDED TO PICK UP THE APPLES FROM THE GROUND TO CONSTRUCT APPLE PYRAMIDS WHEN SUDDENLY SOMEONE CAME UP BEHIND HER (NOTL IKE THAT YOU PERVERTS!)

"APPLE JACK" PINKIE PIE SAID. "I HAVE A PLAN SO WE CAN HAVE SPIKKE ALL TO OURSELVES." SHE SAID WHILE APPLE JACK LISTENED...

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT? YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND OUT NEXT TIME WHEN I WRITE IT ALSO IT'S GOING TO HAVE RAINBOW DASH BECAUSE SHE'S THE BEST HORSE.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry guys, but as I was explaining to one of my earnest fans, I had to lend my capslock key to a friend. For the time being I will be writing in this lesser form, being forced to use shift, but I urge you to press on.

Before we get back to the story though, let's look at the collected support I've received so far!

"To be honest, I never knew someone could obtain this level...That in itself is rather impressive, I must admit." -Rosewaver

"I love Minecraft... you're... a succesful writer" -Watermelon Juice

Wow! With praise like that already, I think we all know this fanfic is going places. Speaking of going places, and this fanfic, it's time to start the next chapter.

Spike and his girlfriend Twilight Sparkle were walking because that is quite possibly the most romantic and involving thing people hwo are in love can do. They were walking through an open field outside of whatever jurisdiction of Equestria they were in and were pointing at the few scant clouds in the sky.

"Thatcloud looks like a dog!" Twilight said, while raising a hoff into the sky.

"No it doesn't." Spike corrected her. "Idiot. It looks like icecream."

"All clouds kinda look like icecream, Spike." The boring book nerd responded.

"Not that one, that one looks like Cotton candy. Man I'm hungry."

Suddenly something really exciting happened. And then after that Rainbow Dash- I mean a blur of rainbow colors shot down from the clouds. "Whoa what's that!" Spike said.

"It's our friend rianbow dash," Twilight answered.

Rainbow Dash flew right in front of them, landing super-perfect like a boss but before that she did like a bunch of loop-de-loops and then like using the rainbow blur she has she spelled out a name and then did another loop only it was backwards and then before she landed she twirled around a bit and "WOW that was awesome!" Spike the purple tiny dragon said. "I wish I could do that but my wings are so tiny and small."

Rainbow Dash laughed. "Sucks to be you then short people can't do that much in life." But then rainbow dash smiled and said. "Okay I will help you fly a lot cooler." "Oh boy thanks sonic" Spike said. "I mean rainbow dash."

"Sure thing little buddy."

"Wait a minute" Twilight objected gettin all up in errbody's grills. "You aren't going to be frontin on MAH MAN like everyone else in ponyville (more like ho-ville)" "Don't be silly, NERRRRD" rainbow dash said pushing twilight to the ground, which made spike laugh. "Yeah Twilight" Spike added, "Look at the she has a rainbow tattoo she probably doesn't even ROLL that way." "That's becuase I prefer flying to rolling LOL" Rainbow Dash joked and everyone laughed really hard even twilight who was totally intimidated by how cool rainbow dash was. "I am so jealous." Twilight said she started crying and ran home.

"Wow what a loser." Rainbow dash said and spike nodded and agreed then they went on a high-flying adventure. She flew over a bunch of tiny clouds and then a really big cloud and then over a mountain and even though spike wasn't as fast she hadto keep slowing down so he can catch up but it was okay because spike is a purple dragon and that's cool. "Wow rainbow the hedgehog twilight may be my CLINGY BORING GIRLFRIEND but you are totally my best friend from now on. " the midget dragon declared. "Thats right little buddy." Sonic the dashbow smiled and gave spike a high five while she took off her sunglasses. That's right she was wearing sunglasses this whole time and you didn't even notice that's how cool she is.

"Let's go watch some action movies." Rainbow the Dash suggested and spike was all "okay" and they flew down to the horse-equivalent of movie theatres so it's probably made out of hay or leaves or something stupid and they watched Die hard 3 while eating two bags of popcorn, a pack of reeses, a pack of wild berry skittles, that one malt chocolate ball candy the one with the red letters and it's on like a beige box I think they're called Whoppers, they shared a large drink of sprite (even though spike preferred diet coke he didn't want to seem uncool but he didn't know that rainbow dash wouldn't have judged him he drank something different because she is a great friend) and also they used napkins.

AFter the movie theatre guess what they still were hanging out at the arcade because they had Time Crises 2 and they totally beat the whole game without continues. After that it was getting pretty dark out and spike had to go back home because his bed time was getting close. Rainbow Dash didn't tell him she was getting tired too because she wanted to appear tough but spike wouldn't have judged her if she did because they're best friends. "I think I'm going to go home now." Spike said as they walked through Horse Town USA. "I hope TWILIGHT isn't still up!" "Ugh me too haha" Rainbow laughed. "Maybe you should dump her..." "No way." Spike said he was too loyal to dump his girlfriend. "Wow spike you are so loyal twilight must be rally lucky to have you too bad she is a JERK." Then rainbow dash flew off and spike wlaked home to twilight.

Sike opened the door which took a while because the locks are really stupid and "ugh I wish Twilight would ifx the locks or something" spike yelled and pushed in breaking down the door because he was so strong it reminded him of john mcclane from the die hard movie he saw with rainbow dash. "I wish rianbow dash andme we cop partners we could totally stop all the terrorists in pony island except for the water jug puzzle part man that was still confusing I bet twilight couldn't even figure it out."

And speak of the devil or should I say the horse or should I say twilight sparkle, there was twilight sparkle still on her lame Macbook laptop typing away. "Gosh twilight what are you even typing about this late at night!" Spike asked. "For your information I'm finishing up my fan story on Johnny Test," Twilgiht answered "if you want spike I'll let you review it."

"Ew no way!" Spike shouted knocking the computer out twilight's lap. "Writing fake stories for fake cartoons is STUPID and johnny test isn't a cartoon it's made in FLASH"

"FLASH is a perfectly acceptable animation medium spike!" Twilight said but she was crying so it was obvious she was wrong. Spike went up stairs to sleep while twilight slept on the ground too ashamed to get up.

MEANWHILE back with rainbow dash she was entering her cloud home in the skies getting ready to go to bed but at her doorstep was a mysterious cloaked figure...

"Pinkie pie what are you doing in front of my house" Rainbow dash asked. "Rainbow Dash me and apple jerk are going to break up spike and tiwlight sparkle so that we can have his hot dragon body." NO WAY man" said rainbow dash who was spike's best friend, "I would never do that to spike! Even though twilight is lame!" she pushed pinkie pie off the cloud and ran inside locked the doors. Then she went back to room, but she wasn't cool she was sad right now "Spike wouldn never be with me anyways..." She said as she went into her room, which was filled with sonic the hdeghog dools, dvds of that one anime with the wolf and the sheep and berenstein bears books and a computer logged onto furaffinity. "Not if he found out I'm.. a furry!"

TO BE CONTINUED...?


	4. Chapter 4

Long time no see true-believers and poninites! This is your boy, DJ xXx575zImGaRfIeLd4eVeRxXx hoppin' in a club near you and spinnin' anotha thread about mah main man Spike and his 99 problems. I'm also waiting for my mac and cheese to get here so I can eat and get back to school work.

Anyway I keep hearing the word "trollfic" which is utterly (there's no cow characters in my little pony so as much as I want to make it, that can't be a pun) baffling as that doesn't make a horse-lick of sense. What the heck is a trollfic. CLEARLY Spike's Odyssey is a postmodern, satirical outlook on the hidden shallowness of relationships we seek with others under the guise of colorful horses going on adventures. Perhaps from now on you can read future chapters with a more open mind and consider the underlying subtexts of Spike's strained companionship with Twilight Sparkle.

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><p>Spike the midget purple dragon rubbed a half-bitten twinkie on Twilight's theigh. "Rise and shine purple butt," he said as twilight stood up with a jolt (it was a cold twinkie), "I wanna go on another walk."<p>

"Ugggggh! Spike all you ever do is want to go on a walk can't you think of anything else to do." Twilight responded, trying hard to resist the temptation to lick the delcious twinkie cream off her hiney like the chubby-blubby-fatty-fat she is. "Can't we just stay home and watch me play minesweeper while looking at poorly edited youtube videos of obtuse harry potter pairings?" Spike groaned because that is the lamest thing ever but twilight didn't notice because her autism was looking for her precious macbook laptop computer. "Spike where did you put my computer"

"It's on my bed because I was up all night chatting with Rainbow Dash where we talked about our favorite nintendo and sega genesis games because hmmm let's see OH she's not a boring LOSER." Spike kicked twilight in the shins. "Spike something tells me you're unhappy with our relationship and I should go check out a book about the subject because I'm incapable of decipering things for myself!" Twilgiht Spoinkle ran out of the house and went to the library, leaving spike alone.

"Ugggggh! Now what am I going to DO today!" Spike complained and continued to put fruit stickers of apples and oranges and bananas that would actually smell like the represented foods (except the watermelon which kept burning spike's nostrils) all over Twilight's books. "I can't even hang out with Rainbow Dash because she lost her wings again. Why does that keep happening every other day what the hell man." Spike threw the macbook at the wall and broke it which gave him an idea!

"I wonder if Fluttershy has Team Fortress 2." Spike jogged out of the house and decided to head over to fluttershy's household which was located a bit out in the forest away from pony soceity which didn't bother spike at all "That means we can play on furry servers as loud as we want without anyone yelling at us!" Spike thought that but as the writer of the story let me tell you something... that doesn't happen at all(uh oh!)

(btw in case you're wondering the reason Spike smashed the laptop and didn't play Team Fortress 2 on it is because it's too slow, Twilight has a lot of information on her laptop but most of it is taken up by a really long fan fiction where Johnny Test and Dukey are attacked by the zombie apocalypse and it's up to a purple female dog with dark hair and pink highlights that knows magic to help them out and also Dukey has a crush on her Spike doesn't read romantic self-insert crap like that since it's stupid and all he cares about is playing as Heavy and collecting a lot of hats since dragons are natural hoarders that's why you hear about them having a lot of gold and treasure with them in medieval stories)

ANYWAY so Spike finally found Fluttershy's one-story high shanty in the middle of the woods. As usual it was covered in the filth of other animals, "Ugggggh! It smells so bad here Fluttershy must be a hippie or something haha hope she still has an internet!" After knocking on fluttershy's door with his claw she opened it as that was the customary thing to do in ponyville, when someone knocks on your door you answer it. This is also common in North America at least the parts I live in, I don't know what they do in other countries but I'm sure it's very uncivilized in comparison.

"Why hello there..." Fluttershy said as she opened the door slowly. "...baby dragon." Fluttershy emphasized on the word 'baby' licking her lips a bit. "Gosh flluttershy do you have something stuck in your teeth haha." Spike joked. "Oh no baby dragon spike, I do not have anything in my teeth..." she grinned while leering at spike, observing his purple scales and then looking out around outside. "I see you decided to visit me... alone." She had a creepy smile on her face but spike was too naive to notice...

"Yes! I was wondering if I could use the internet on your computer to play video games." Spike explained. "Do you mind if I come in!" "oh, of course not..." Fluttershy locked the doors and pulled down the shades, and suddenly asked "did you tell anyone you were coming here?" "Uggggh! no way man I didn't tell nobody nothin" spike gruned and folded his arms. "Not even my stupid GIRLFRIEND Twilight Sparkle who I date."

"Ohhh I didn't know you two were dating..." Fluttershy licked her lips, taking out a camera. "But I'm not sure if I can let you use my computer... I have lots of important... files on there that baby dragons should see..." She then unscrewed her camera and also got out a sailor outfit. "So baby dragon spike would you like to help me shoot a ***special*** photo album for online?"

"That sounds stupid and girly I hate dress up!" Spike was trying to act tough because he felt that's what rainbow dash would do but he was getting uncomfortable and fluttershy noticed. "Oh don't worry... you can take them off when you're done... :)" Spike then got really freaked out. "Ummmm! Fluttershy don't you know I'm a baby dragon I can't do that kind of stuff with you.." "Why not..." Fluttershy asked, pushing the sailor outfit towards him. "BEcuase you're an ugly pedophile you sicko!" Spike pushed fluttershy down and ran to the bathroom locking himself in so fluttershy couldn't get to him.

Fluttershy started knocking on the door softly. "Oh I'm sorry BABY dragon I'll be nice to you I promise..." Spike wasn't buying any of it. "No way! I'm gonna tell TWilight and Rainbow Dash about you and they're gonna beat you up right in the face." Suddenly Fluttershy started ramming into the door really hard she was yelling and it freaked Spike out he was crying because he wished he had an adult or at least rainbow dash.

"I wonder what rainbow dash would do..." Spike thought to himself then he remembered something really cool Rainbow Dash told him. "If someone touches you in a place or a way that makes YOU feel uncomfortable, that's no good! First you gotta say no, and then you get outta there!" Spike was confused at the time because she said it while they were playing Time Crises 2 and they were fighting Mad Dog (he's the guy with the machine gun for an arm) and it kinda cofused him at the time but now he realized!

"NO!" Spike picked up a roll of pink toilet paper and threw it at the locked door. Then he flew up and pushed open the small window but found he ate too many twinkies to fit through it! But then he picked up the soap in the bathtub and rubbed his scaley little body in it and slipped right through and flew away from the evil pedophile rapist Fluttershy's den of immoral baby dragon pornography.

It was a lot later in the day and lot farther away from that horrible place when Spike was in Ponyland and met Twilight in the streets. "Spike why are you so upset did someone trade your Napper's Respite in Team Fortress 2 for a Baseball Bill's Sports Shine again..." Spike hugged Twilgiht and cried. "No, someone tried to trade my INNOCENCE for their depraved lusts!" "Oh gosh how about we go home and make muffins to forget this by tomorrow."

"OKAY" said spike and everything was okay...

...or was it? Actually no because around tht time pinkie piearrived at fluttershy's house and she was all like "WE gotta get Spike back!" And then apple jack added in "AND YOOOOOU gotta help us!" Fluttershy agreed to help mostly because Spike stole her soap and she needed it back.


	5. Chapter 5

_Okay guys here it is, if you thought the previous chapters were awesome (which you did of course), then this is going to BLOW YOUR MIND. I'd like to preface this with a warning first that, while it might be surprising to hear, I do not work for the team on My Little Pony: Friendship is Whatever. So even though it feels like you're in one of your favorite episodes right now, none of this actually affects the show's continuity!_

_... Yet! With your help, you guys can help get "Spike's Odyssey" to become an offical story arc on the My Little Pony anime by linking this story right on Lauren Faust's deviantArt page. She pretty much created My Little Pony and did every single aspect of the show and is the only person worth admiring because everyone else listed in the credits were just bullshitting around not contributing anything, so if we shove this story in her face enough she'll just HAVE to put it in! That's pretty much how the animation industry works and I would know because my Uncle worked on The Adventures of the American Rabbit._

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><p>She shuffled herself out of her bed; messy and stained with grease, it was hardly the perfect living condition for any respectable contributor to pony society. But Pinkie Pie was no ordinary pony, and was more than comfortable resting on the remains of her last night pizza meal, courtesy of the welfare check she gets for her disabilities (the "monthly horsecarriage" she calls it).<p>

Pinkie Pie was ready and raring to play another marathon session of Mario Party 15 against the computer bots set on Easy (it was how she trained herself for the day ahead) when she heard a loud knocking on her door.

"Painkeh are you up yet?" Mr. Cake, her caretaker, shouted. "I need ta talk to ya."

Pinkie turned off the Wii, letting out a stress sigh, which has become an increasingly common habit over the past week. She opened the door, "Oh hi Mr. Cake" She posed her overly-cheerful grin, almost like a defense mechanism to ward off a predator. "Is breakfast ready?"

"No Pinkie," Mr. Cake stepped into the room, closing the door, "I've been talkin' with Mrs. Cake about it and it's about damn time you found yerself a job."

Pinkie's grin vanished, she felt like a fish out of water now. "Wh-why I told you I'm workin' on it..." She continued to avoid eye contact, leering at her collection of Nintendo 64 games.

"Dangit girl! Do you realize..." Mr Cake shouted, drowning out Pinkie's thoughts, "...do you realize, that if you throw another party, we're gonna have to foreclose OUR house? We can't sell cakes if you keep eating or giving them away for free, Pinkie."

She shuffled her legs around, her sight inching closer to the floor as she bit her lip. "I-I'm workin' onnit..." When she let out another sigh, Mr. Cake pretty much gave up. It was a lost cause with this girl now; at best, he hoped to pass away from old age before dealing with her getting arrested, or worse. He stepped out of Pinkie's room, a cluttered mess of party hats, prank items and other inane memorabilia; piles of toys and games from decades ago that had collected several layers of dust. Mr. Cake gave up convincing Pinkie to sell the useless crap on ponEbay years ago, and doing it himself would cause another temper tantrum from the immature mare, something his weak heart couldn't take anymore. He went downstairs; hopefully a big order for a birthday party would come in before Pinkie decided to "generously host it" at their expense, as usual.

Pinkie, ever the forgetful, was able to shrug off any sense of obligation or responsibility and went downstairs, grabbing herself a nice slice of lemon-flavored cake, with banana cream frosting and putting a cherry on top (she considered the ounce of fruit to make it a "healthy" meal). With her hooves covered in wet frosting, she booted up the family computer.

Pinkie Pie licked some of the cake from the corners of her mouth as she logged into her EOL Instant Messenger Account. "Username... PinkChan..." she unknowningly mumbled out loud to herself. "Password... party..." She pressed her hoof down on the ENTER key, her anticipation being met with disappointment as her large friends list (of two) were both offline. Neither "ApplesToApples123456" nor "littl3_Dr4g0n_T0uch3r" were available for chat. But not just any normal chitchat, oh no, there were more serious matters at hoof!

"I'll teach you yet, Twilight SPARKle..." Pinkie gritted her teeth as menacingly as something entirely pink could (which is not much), as she clutched a photo of two certain purple individuals. "And then... we can finally be together..." her eyes gazed over to the image of Spike's face, rubbing her pink hoof across it in mimicry of the many romance scenes Pinkie witnessed on television. "Forever..."

* * *

><p>Spike wiped the sleep-sands from his dragon eyes with his pudgy purple claws, getting some frosting on his forehead after his wild carnivorous cupcake consuming binge from last night. He stood up while a concoction of blueberry and banana flavored pasty treats tossed around his scaled belly. As Spike continued to regain his conciousness from a night heavy slumber, his tummy started to quake. "Man I gotta make a doody," he announced.<p>

His stumpy little legs shuffled him to the bathroom that was situated across from Twilight's bedroom, where the horse laid ever-so-elegantly across the wooden floor, with a protruding gut and a flour-stained snout. Spike took a quick moment to pour whip cream on her hooves so she could have a nice surprise when she wakes up. But then Spike got a bit peckish and started licking some of the whip cream off of her. She didn't notice though which is good because that would have been super awkward! Then Spike took a marker and drew a butt on her forehead.

"Ha ha now she can be Harry Pooper." Spike chuckled and scuttled into the bathroom to do his business. Only it wasn't really a business it was more of just him sitting on a toilet connected to sewers that store his waste, I don't really think anyone pays for that. Anyway Spike was flipping through his favorite reading material in all of Equestrianistan, "Identifying Wood: Accurate Results with Simple Tools", and was perusing a particularly juicy section on the differences between oak and maple when suddenly he glanced up, noticing that Twilight had yet to update her day-by-day Garfield comic calender.

Spike tore off a three panel strip where Garfield complained about spiders and then looked at the current day's strip in which Garfield locked Jon outside and ate his pizza. Spike laughed and took a big dump, wiping himself with the comic strip and then neatly folding it and wiping the other way again and then putting it in the toilet but he made sure to flush the first time before putting the used comic strip in and flushing again because he didn't want to clog the pipes. Twilight hadn't quite mastered her plumbing spells yet and this was no time to take chances.

So spike was washing his hands using shampoo when he noticed the date on the garfield calender. It was Friday."F-f-friday..." Spike stopped washing his claws, leaving the sink running as he had a sudden realization. "Friday..." His pupils dilated as his heart skipped a beat. He couldn't believe it! Today was the it, today was THE DAY. Turning off the sink he dashed back to his room, which was a cupboard in the kitchen that twilight stuffed him in. He got out his special outfit and went back to wake a certain sleeping mare.

"Twilight," Spike started, ominously standing in Twilight's doorway as the hallway light shined into her dark, used-baking-cup-laden bedroom. "Get up."

"Ugggggh!" Twilight clenched her eyes shut, then started rubbing her forehead, getting whip cream everywhere. She didnt mind though and actually started licking it off of her hoof.

"Twilight, who is my friend and SIGNIFICANT OTHER whom I am having an increasingly rough relationship with that has only been smoothed over recently by the mass consumption of bake goods, it is that day."

"What the heck are you talking about Spike!" Twilight began straining her eyes against the light, trying to make out Spike. "We don't have anything to do today aside from running a library that nobody even comes to anyway because books are boringto everyone but nerds like me!"

Spike, rightly tired of this dragon-dookie, turned on the lights. Twilight's eyes opened up.

"Spike what are you wearing."

The purple dragon walked forward to his GIRLFRIEND, wearing a suit constructed from taking an orange rug Twilight had lying around and then sewing it together with white caseless pillows. Two ears were adorned on top and Spike's tail was popped into one of the anime foxtails that Twilight had left over from her weeaboo phase. A phase that lasted her whole life incidentally.

"Today is Friday, Twilight," Spike announced casually, "Furry Friday."

"I have no idea what you're talking about Spike." Twilight was awake now, and started thumbing through a book. "I don't have anything in Obscure Bullshit Holidays that talks about a Furred Friday."

"IT'S PRONOUNCED FURRY FRIDAY!" Spike stomped his feet on the wooden floor, startling the pony. "It's when two lovers dress as animals and procreate."

"Ummmmmmm," Twilight looked around. This was getting pretty messed up for her nerdy, sheltered tastes, "Spike, are you sick or something? Maybe we could have the Zebra look at you or something..."

"IT'S NOT A DISEASE TWILIGHT, IT'S WHO I AM." Spike sniffled a little, how could his GIRLFRIEND WHO IS ALSO HIS BEST FRIEND THAT HE WOULD HANG OUT WITH AND THEN GO ON DATES AND THEN WALKS AND THEN HAVE SLOPPY MAKEOUTS IN FRONT OF OTHER FEMALE HORSES THAT WERE NOT COLORED PURPLE, be unaccepting of who he was? "WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE, YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT EVEN GOING TO GET ZECORA BECAUSE OF YOUR BLATANT RACISM RIGHT NOW."

"Spike stop it!" It was true actually, Twilight just wanted to lock Spike out of her house instead because she didn't want to talk to "those" kind of ponies. But she wasn't going to give a DRAGON the satisfaction of calling her out. "Y-you know that's not ture and I don't approve of this kind of TERRORISM in MY HOUSE. You are obviously ill and need some rest or something."

"What I need," Spike jumped up and down, his purple fists flinging about in frustration. "IS FOR YOU TO DRESS UP AS A BUNNY AND LET ME SLAM BAM MY SPACE JAM INTO YOU."

Twilight was ready to shout at Spike to get out of her house so she could go play World of Warcraft all day when SUDDENLY there was a doorbell. "Oh!" Twilight said. "Let me get that." Spike folded his arms grumpily and sat his fursuit-wearing tushie down on the ground.

"F-f-furry FRIday..." he muttered to himself.

* * *

><p>As Twilight opened the door, she was greeted first by an appalling smell much like a dead fish floating in collective sweat, and then a familiar face. "Oh, Pinkie Pie! Hello!" Twilight managed to fake a smile, of all the people her crippling social problems forced to run away from, Pinkie Pie was the worst.<p>

"Tee hee, and goody-good morning to you, Miss Sparkle!" Pinkie, too, strained to keep up her cheery demeanor. Looking at Twilight brought back the pain in her mouth from the night she lost... him. "And how are you and MISTER Sparkle today?" She titled her head ninety degrees, thinking it would psyche the purple mare out.

"Oh Pinkie, Spike and I are doing FINE!" Twilight's voice broke, the image of Spike in his orange fursuit still fresh in her mind; thankfully Pinkie was incapable of picking up people's discomfort unless they literally spoke what was wrong with them. "Just fine. We didn't have much planned today so we were going to stay at home."

"Nothing planned today?" Pinkie's eyes lit up; everything was going according to plan. "That's nice to hear, Twilight, because today I-"

"Have a party planned."

"Have-" Pinkie bit her tongue, honestly surpised. "Why I didn't know you were psychic, Twilight! Well come to think of it you ARE purple, which is what the color of psychic energy cards in the Pokemon Trading Card game are, though I'm not entirely sure all pokemon can read minds, I know Kadabra and Alakazam can from the anime but-"

"Pinkie how about you just give me an invitation so I can hurry up and get some aspirin."

"Okie dokie loki!" Pinkie took out two loose invitations, nestled in her dorito-encrustred hair. She gave them both to Twilight. "One for YOU and one for..." Pinkie wet her lips, ever so slightly, "f-for Spike. But I'm sorry that you're sick, Twilight, I hope you get better real soon!"

Twilight lazily took the invitations with her and walked back inside, closing the door without really saying goodbye. Pinkie Pie, oblivious as ever, continued to walk back home. Tonight was going to be a busy night, and she had much work to do. "Realllllll soon, Twilight..." She muttered to herself.

Meanwhile Spike started flipping through the rest of the Garifled calender comics because waiting for days is gay and he really wants to know if Jon gets a slice of pizza or not.

**TO BE CONTINUED!**


End file.
